IT WASN’T ME, OKAY? :(
Because I’ll never stop getting this stupid accusatory tip until I’ve made an official statement and cleared my good above average name: No, I am NOT the guy in Philly who was caught having sex with a plastic dinosaur in front of two teenage girls. That’s just sick. Now, please stop calling the cops—I’m just trying to blog over here.
Days after Spanish researchers announced the discovery of a humpbacked dinosaur, police in Pennsylvania are searching for a man spotted humping a dinosaur.
Law enforcement officials say a man exposed himself to two teenage girls in a park in Chester County on Sept. 19, then began “simulating a sex act with a large plastic dinosaur in the park,” according to a police report quoted by Philly.com.
See? No way that could have been me, I live on the other side of the country. Granted I do live driving distance to the La Brea tar pits, but I only sneak in there after dark and only when no one else is around LIKE A NORMAL DAMN DINO LOVER. Now I know what you’re thinking, “LOLWUT — there’s a normal kind of dino lover?” And yes, me.
